I’ve had a few women disclose their relationship statuses and situations to me here lately, and then I started questioning: “Are our friends/family too hard on us about our relationships?” We all have these people who focus on different characteristics that may or may not have any bearing on where we are in our relationship. Let’s run through a few common questions to explore their meanings/values.
Is he gay?– This is the most common question. Blame the movies and TV for an overflow of these ‘down-low’ images. Just go to the nearest salon, and there you’ll find mad women asking and confirming (without evidence) that gay men are sweeping the nation. Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t someone out there who could be dating a ‘down low’ brother, but gay men are not sweeping the nation. There are still straight men to be had. With that said, when someone starts confirming another’s sexuality, ask them lots of questions. You may find these confirmations are yet of a personal tale. It’s good to lend positive advice; but don’t go around badgering women with your Gay-Dar. Women, if you’re feeling this way, perhaps a conversation is in order. But please stop walking around thinking all men are gay. They aren’t.
Does he have any kids?- This is my favorite question; I’ll admit. The more education and accomplishments women have, the more reluctant they are to join an already made family (especially one with several kids and mothers). As I mature, I realize that relationships were never made to be perfect but to satisfy a harmony/flow amongst partners. I know sometimes we’ll find ourselves adjusting to unforeseen, unfavorable circumstances. Yet it isn’t the end of the world, and you can still achieve happiness, love, and harmony in the most imperfect situations.
Does he go to church?– Since when did church attendance become the single most validating factor for morale character and goodness? The men in my family have been loving, decent and kind. Seventy-five percent of them don’t attend church regularly. Furthermore, men who attend church cheat as well as men who don’t. And let’s not even talk about the likelihood of one … Cheating.
My advice: let’s not make this characteristic a pre-requisite/precursor to our relationships. I remember reading Richard Wright’s Black Boy, an autobiography, and exploring his sentiments on church. His grandmother raised him in a Seven Day Adventist Church. In this book, he discussed how church and the community discouraged him from learning and going against societal norms. Had he followed that path, he would’ve never became a renown African American Author.
Obviously, people still see church as a controlling factor, limiting their imagination, ambitions and dreams. Perhaps you should talk to your mate about attending church. There might be underlying reasons as to why your mate isn’t interested in attending. Get to the heart of it: don’t write him off just yet! It is my hope that you find peace with the church-going factor.
Alas, our friends and family might have good intentions with their questions and advice, but ultimately it’s you who are living it–your relationship. And look around you. Are you taking advice from single people? And if someone is suggesting the negative, start investigating and ask the madd Yapper: “Why are you so mad?”
Here’s yet another one of our love and relationship posts.
We hope that you feel inspired to love your mates a bit more today!