I’ve been wanting to veer away from the entertainment writing and wanting to give you more reality. I have this thing about having honest conversations and, oftentimes, I stress their importance to whoever that will listen.
As I go on in life, growing, meeting new people and discovering more things about myself, I face more real people who have real issues than instances of entertainment. And please don’t take this the wrong way, but even their real issues can be quite entertaining in it of themselves. However, this isn’t true in this case.
Take for instance, a friend I have who struggles with death and loss on a daily basis. To avoid finding practical solutions which would take a lot of mental strength, focus, and effort, this person busies -self with work and extra curricular activities. Work and personal interests are this individual’s scapegoat … The loss of immediate family members has become a barrier that separates this individual from nurturing intimate relationships with family and others.
Without going into detail, I ask that you imagine having lost a parent, whether be by abandonment or by death. How would you feel? If you have lost a parent, how do you feel?
I’m familiar with the abandonment part with my biological father. I believe it affected me earlier on in life than it does now because I’ve learned a key thing about how to deal with loss and death–acceptance.
Acceptance. I don’t know how many birthdays had gone by before I stopped anticipating my father’s phone calls or his showing up to my rescue, but I had stopped. At some point, I accepted that my father’s choices were not going to define me and my future.
I’ve read many a stories about women who grew up without the influence of their biological father and how that led them to prostitution, drug addictions, and other irresponsible behavior. I decided that wouldn’t be me long ago. I had since then developed a self sufficient life where I’m proactive in my decision making, learning to prevent problems than getting in the habit of solving them.
My action plan for my life was my way of accepting the past because it was a way for me to add value to my perceived self worth without feeling compromised by how others felt about me. In other words, I gave to myself the love, knowledge, and perspective that I needed to feel whole without being completed by any other.
Perception … What’s that quote? “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.” Our perception yields our reality … The thought that becomes our action .. That action becomes the habits then later on our character.
Looking at yourself or perceiving yourself to be an abandoned person puts you in the seat of a victim. Thou shalt not be victimized! Don’t you hate when someone victimizes an active voice for a passive one?!?! Or speaks in third person? Whew … I digress.
Feeling abandoned doesn’t get us very far because with it comes the sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Now I’m not one to preach, but isn’t God everything? For me, he has been …
When I found a father in God, using him for a source of guidance and love, I found a father that would never abandon me … Not in my darkest hour. In finding footing with God, the Universe, I found myself abandoned no more … Victimized no more … And I had found peace … And was able to accept that regardless of the actions of others, no matter how irresponsible and hurtful, that I am not defined by their shortcomings (or excellence, on the flipside) but by my own feelings and thoughts. These are the very things that I have control of … And with this control, I shall not feel abandoned no more or victimized.
It can be a difficult concept to implement in your life. It isn’t easy. Yet with the right focus, you can achieve this way of thinking.
Prayer is everything, and a direct line to the lineage that gave you life and assured your legacy. Let it be known, that you can pray all day which is encouraged, but you must also take that walk by faith.
To my dear friend, I love you so. Acceptance is underway. I hope the days are near where you feel abandoned no more. Xo