Real life and real dating, incident 1, 2, and 3. Are you ready for this?!
Incident 1: So I’m seeing someone, and I am reluctant to commit. Commitment feels like imprisonment. On the threshold of commitment, where my singleness ends, I began worrying about just how many mood swings I must endure, how often will we argue, how heated will our disagreements become, his potential controlling habits, and his unforeseen anger. Then I’ll start piecing his behavioral patterns together, assessing what he looks and sounds like when he lies or feels guilty. Seemingly, these are negative thoughts. But I have logical explanation for it; they come from real life experiences. I’ve developed very ‘tried and true’ techniques. As in ‘I tried that shit, and it wasn’t true.” Thus, that’s the reason I gotta move on. Now that right there, moving on, I’m good at it, especially when it’s ‘Solo, Dolo.’
Ok, so let’s talk first incident. I’ve already sought permission, so don’t worry this person can handle this post. Ok, first incident … Incident is a technical term, so don’t read into it. Ok, first incident occurred this past weekend.
My ‘friend’ wanted to do dinner, casual cookout, at my parents. Now I had no intentions of asking him. I was merely telling him my dinner plans, and he asked: “Are you inviting me to dinner?” lol. That’s how that happened. Me: “Well I wasn’t asking you to dinner … But do you think you might be up for that? At my parents?” Him: “Yes.”
Now wait, I hadn’t committed to dude yet exclusively. But I thought, “hey this could be a turning point.” So we agreed that he could come for dinner after our talk.
Then I thought again. I had a question. So I called back and asked him something more serious, “Of all the women you introduced me to which women did you have sex with?” The stuttering had begun, ladies and gentleman. It was hilarious. Then he began to answer my question with a question. Deflecting and guilt. He refused to answer that question. In fact, he was willing to sacrifice our relationship to protect these women.
There, in that moment, I drew the following conclusion. Either the stakes were too high for him to tell me and it’s worth sacrificing new ground for old (yes good inference) or you really don’t like me that much. And if either is this case, you shouldn’t be meeting my parents. Just by his choices alone, avoiding transparency and not willing to build a circle of trust by seizing the opportunity to share pertinent info with a potential partner told me all I needed to know about him in that moment.
Now sure he wanted to throw in his “I’m in it for the long-term speech.” And his “that any ADULT wouldn’t care.” that mug just patronized me. I can’t!!
Here’s the thing: I cannot be blind sighted. I’m a tough crowd, big personality, and smart. Everyone isn’t a fan, that being so. Knowing that, I’m aware. And I like to be ‘in the know.’ I’m a writer. It’s purely journalistic behavior. When you jeopardize that, I become more guarded and withdraw interest. Because making me unaware is like gouging out my eyes. And I just cannot walk around like that.
Think I was wrong?! Have questions? Ask them here. You don’t have to login to make comments. I appreciate the read!
Incidents 2 and 3 are for the ‘morrow. Real people, real incidents. Lol. My dating life, your entertainment.