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This tag is associated with 16 posts

Nikki’s Take on The Value of Women Networking| Part One

Dream Girl Movement, Destined Image and TFHApparel.com have taken on the challenge to creating posts every week dedicated to women, networking and entrepreneurship. This week’s theme is The Value of Women Networking. What do you think about the idea of networking? What is the value of women networking?

I’ve attended several conferences, some geared towards women and business and others centered on business and personal development. I’m always most fascinated with women who have found a way to manage being executives, wives, and mothers. Someone once tried to convince me that I could NOT have it all. That I would either sacrifice for a wonderful marriage or career.

Yet I keep meeting women who are conquering it all, who have it all. They are playing the roles of an executive, a wife, a mother, daughter, sister, confidant, friend … and so forth. I believe God designed us—women–to be great task managers, naturally, but we are reaching new horizons each day. As Devine Bowers, CEO/Founder of Destined Image, has often shared with me, “Women were created to be helpers to our husbands, but not limited to this task.” I love that!! Devine often SHARES the dynamics of being a wife in oppose to her other roles as a project manager (at one of the largest banks in our country) and a mommy to two young children. She explains further that “it is about knowing what God wants you to do in each role … that is how you find direction.” Even further, I believe that’s how you find defense against distractions, focus, and discipline. Ultimately, with our conversations, I’m finding out that this is the key to earning/having it all—getting in touch with the Spirit and letting it guide you. As you can see, I found these things through our conversations, through building a rapport with Devine that allowed for genuine SHARING.

I’ve taken Devine’s advice. I’m marching onward to having it all as I type this. She inspires me daily with her tenacity and commitment to all that she does. But if it wasn’t for our network, our relationship with one another, our boldness to speak freely with one another about life, entrepreneurship and our personal relationships, we wouldn’t be able to FUEL each other with INSPIRATION and or EMPOWER one another. All of this comes with SHARING(networking), and that’s what networking should mainly be about. Not one trying to create a leveraging situation or superficially showing interest for personal gain. It shouldn’t be about pretentiousness or shallowness when we—women–get together to SHARE in! It should be about SHARING genuine stories of inspiration, resources to pull yet one more person along to their next level of greatness, and connecting with people who speak to our personal/professional journey. That’s where the wealth lies.

“Wealth is generated with the many uncomfortable conversations one is willing to have.” -Tim Ferris

Furthermore, if you haven’t realized it, networking is SHARING, EMPOWERING, and CONNECTING that leads to INSPIRATION, RESOURCES, and SUCCESS. Without sharing, how can we have it all anyway? Think about that.

With that being said, I now invite you to have a conversation with me about the value of women networking. I’m also extending the invitation for you to connect with myself, owner of TFHApparel.com; Devine Bowers, owner/founder of Destined Image; Rachel D, owner of Dream Girl Movement, and other entrepreneurs with whom you may share, empower, and connect. Read more about this June 29th event here: Dessertsandskirts.eventbrite.com.

Thanks for reading.

–NP

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When White Guys Go Flirting with Nikki … Part Deux

I wake up every morning to the usual–emails, instagram notices, and Twitter alerts. Last Thursday, I woke up to an out-of-the-ordinary … a white guy sending a special texts– “Good morning, Nikki. Wishing you a wonderful day.” text. I thought nothing of it … (at first) but to be polite and thank this … guy. Then he went on to ask if he was being too forward. I never thought wishing someone a wonderful day as “forward.” So I replied. Then he goes off to text “What I meant was … ok fine … you are the best thing since sliced bread. You’re beautiful. And … I just couldn’t contain myself … I had to tell you …” There’s more that involves keywords “pouring” and “thick.” I didn’t even tell my boyfriend. You guys and gals are the first to hear about it. It kind of got a bit … hmm what do you call it? … vulgar. I had to stop him … 

Here’s the thing, I didn’t mind the flattery. I don’t believe any woman does. However, he really laid it all out there … just out of the blue. I had no idea on how to react. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, discouraging him from confidently approaching other women. Damage control. But I wanted him to know that he could not go on like this … 

…especially when I’m … HIS … client. White guys don’t go flirting with Nikki and laying your heart’s desires all ecstatically on the first approach. It’s overwhelming. You gotta learn how to build up to it. Where’s the beginning? Where’s the climax? Then lay out your heart’s desire.

In all honesty, I’m all about expression. You should find several ways to express yourself. However, don’t go expressing your every thought when approaching any man/woman, possible love interest, for the first time. White guys … you don’t have to do this with Nikki. Ease into the situation with consistency and then lay it on her … or approach her in person with a compliment and then enjoy an intriguing conversation.

When White Guys Go Flirting with Nikki, don’t OVERWHELM her in your approach.

Besides … she’s simply unavailable.

I’ll Triple Your … But First THIS

I believe when two or more parties come to the table with requests, demands, and skills, that all parties should be willing to contribute time, money and good effort to produce and bring to life a product. I don’t mean to treat all things as business deals, but then again “I do.”

“I do.” That’s the phrase that pays. It speaks commitment and dedication, to a certain extent, depending how much and how often your ass really does something that contributes to an end goal. And be sure to really do something or be left at the table … Sitting alone … With your handful of requests and demands.

When people say “I do” they are voicing their dedication and are saying that they are in ready position. They’re ready to use their skills that they already possess, willing to exercise brain power for critical thinking for challenges that may arise, open to growth, and have all the time and energy necessary to bring about an end goal. With what’s required, no frivolous deals conclude here! No trifles. No insignificant figures conclude here.

Don’t come to my table with your demands unless you’re willing to say “I do” and live up to that commitment. Show me an investment, and I’ll triple it!

“I don’t and won’t.”

These are our Last Days … of Friendship! No Brown Sugar Ending!

Just Sunday, my best male friend and I met for drinks and to watch Sunday’s football game. I’m not one for football. And even though I’m not new to the dating world at 28, I’m still not well-versed on what goes on in a football game. Some say that’s a shame. If my mate is into football, I much rather whip up wings for my beau and let that him BE … alone with his football. That’s not my game. And furthermore, it wasn’t the reason why I chose to make a B-line for the bar to meet my best male friend on this past Sunday. The focus was on him, not the game.

You see for the past few weeks, we’ve been hanging out really tough, a few times a week. While I’m intrigued with our conversation as I’ve been over the past seven years and he’s easy on the eyes, I’ve been far more consumed about his transformations.

All these years, I’ve been the wing-man. When it’s just us, I’m the girl about town with him. We’ll hit up a few our favorite spots including Hickory Tavern and Wine Vault, and we talk each other’s heads off–about astrology, conspiracy theories, love, sex, and more. I admonish him for his ways; he scrutinizes me on my maneating dating methods. We might chat about business ventures and the like, and then we’re on our merry way … ‘until next time.’

All these years, I’ve been the boys’ bait, and I don’t mind it one bit. One pretty attractive lady attracts other attractive women. This is a proven tactic; men like to hunt. I watch the boys as they do ‘work,’ and then I’m probably peacin’ out early. No, they don’t ever ask: “Are you going to be our bait tonight?” But naturally, withing the forces of nature, that’s what happens. Women come over to talk to me or talk to them (competition), and they have at it. All the while I enjoy myself and take notes. Some women may criticize me for this ‘bait’ position, but I didn’t make this world, I just live in it.

These past years, I’ve also been a small sample of the female perspective. I’ve heard every piece of ratchedness there’s to hear. I cannot mention any of that here. But I do my womanly, sisterly duty to try to save some relationships and decrease the probability of infidelity. All I can do is root for the home team and be a friend, yet not in that order.

I’m quite often mistaken as his girlfriend. You know that scene in Brown Sugar when Sanaa Lathan’s character is like “Puhhh-lease.” Yes that’s me. “I’m not with this negro.” Standbyers and passerbyers can’t seem to just walk on without noting aloud “that you two are quite the couple.” We just have that chemistry. But we’re just friends.

I’m not the girlfriend or the current fiance. “Lawdhavemercy, thankya Jesus.” I’m the best friend who has NOT been invited to the wedding next month, and that’s where the problem lies. I’ve been on, off, on, off, maybe, then officially OFF… the list of invited wedding guests. This is some bull—!

I bet you’ve got questions now. Let me see if I an clearly answer them all!

What is my relationship with his fiance might you ask?–Rocky, and that’s on a good day! In 2009, over dinner, I admitted to her that I told my boyfriend at the time that I’m not giving up my friendship with my bmf for him. That started all kinds of hellfire in my home. And that didn’t maul over too well with her either. She said: I’d let any one of my friends go for him if he asked.” And my bmf doesn’t ask her because frankly she has very few friends. I won’t go any further with that one!

Why does she not want me at their wedding?–From the conversations we’ve had I gathered, from the  horse’s mouth, that she senses that we have feelings for each other, and she fears that I’ll object their nuptials mid-ceremony. Last week, I tweeted that ‘folks are too proud to object anyone’s nuptials’ especially when there’s a strong possibility of him/her getting their ass beat by a team of bridesmaids. I’m way too cute for these shenanigans. And she’s a criminal lawyer, so that’s a strike against me right there. I don’t need a record. I’m good on tragedies. So again, an objection isn’t in the plans.

Besides, she deserves him; she’s paid her dues. But on the other hand, I had to ask him seriously if he is ready to get married … to her? I asked for good reasons. And let’s just say I’m not the only asking either!

All that I will say is … I better not … go there.

Yes, it’s quite disheartening to see him transform and prepare for a wedding since I will not be in attendance. He’s stuck on his obligation (my words, not his) which I believe isn’t a good one. Any blind man can see …

Oh one more thing because I know my followers are curious if we’ve had sex before. Seven years and two attractive mofos hanging out is supposedly a recipe for hot, steamy sex. But it isn’t always. We haven’t, and I’m thankful that I can state that truthfully ’til this day. Our other purposes for each other outweigh sexual attraction. So there! In your face! I’m no home-wrecker, side-chick, etc as some beady little heads may want to reduce my position down to. Life is far more complicated, and platonic relationships can serve as allies on any front. I suggest you get one if you don’t have one already.

Some of this is HIS FAULT. Unbeknownst to me, I’ve been an alibi and they have conversations about me that probably should’ve never happened. He’s pretty bold at the mouth, so I disagree with some things he’s said to her concerning me.

Moreover the way he wears his smile and resorts to retreats, I can tell that these are the last days of our friendship …  and that, in itself, might bring about a storm of sadness because I had not prepared for our once-upon-a-time friendship. It had never been in question.

Real life, real people, real things. Have at my comments box.

 

Help Me Help You ‘Meet the Task’

Last week, at the Black Enterprise Minority Supplier Forum, we talked about “meeting the task.”

“Most black women have been taught to ‘meet the task’ which makes us more technically equipped,” said Bohannon.

This week I encountered some folk who haven’t been meeting the task, personally and or professionally. And this really gets my blood boiling because I’d never let myself get away with not meeting the task.

Of all the jobs I’ve ever had, I took my work seriously. If I needed to stay an extra hour or three to meet a deadline, I did that. I performed thorough research about things I had no idea about when I was a technical writer. Like the time I wrote Standard Operating Procedure Manuals for mechanics who worked on changing assembly lines of equipment in order to bake/produce thousands of Sandies in a hour! Do you know how important it is to meet the task there? Some of these mechanics had no education, so I had to write in a way that assured they’d meet their task. Because if they did not, I did not.

Or the time I had to prelim and close Multi-million dollar magazines that had to balance to the hundredth decimal perfectly, every time, or I’d have pompous managers and over-paid account executives breathing down my neck. I did that for almost three years. Do you understand how incredibly important it is to meet the task there?

I guess my struggle is understanding how to deal with people when they don’t meet the task with me. That is my biggest struggle. Sometimes I’m passive aggressive; I go behind their backs and just fix it. I figure a conversation at a later date is in order … Or NOT. Sometimes, I take the assertive approach–giving recommendations, suggestions, meanwhile speedily assessing the situation for best optimization. And sometimes, I’m aggressive, I won’t talk to you for weeks. The latter is the easiest. No confrontation, no drama.

When I was a student and now as a professional, I’ve always pushed myself to do my best. And by best, I mean whatever the job/task called for … And I know my honor system is a bit abnormal, that pushing myself as I do may not be as common or necessary for some.

Im writing this because I’ve written people off who don’t ‘meet the task.’ Issues of guilt! And I’d much rather, at this point, help them ‘meet the task’ and not do the work for them. This takes craft, huh? Let me know what you think. Help a sista out with suggestions, recommendations, books, and whatever else you’ve got.

And in case you missed it. See my Black Enterprise post.

[Interactive] Where is the Love??

Last night, I ventured to Wet Willie’s, NC Music Factory, for the Where is the Love Forum. Here, about 30 people gathered to discuss dating and social media. This well organized forum was co-hosted by fellow blogger Shameika of MofoChronicles.

Why is dating and finding love such an enigma? It sure didn’t seem that way during Bible times. It seemed as if God placed certain Biblical couples together for purpose. For an example, we might consider Adam & Eve. No matter what you think about Eve, she had purpose. And on a more serious note, “Are you dating an Eve?”

Purpose! Aha! Now that’s one thing I hadn’t considered up until now. Are we dating for God’s purpose or our own?

Well, while you’re pondering purpose, have a look at our questions from last night’s forum. Feel free to answer them using the comments field just below the post.

Where is the Love Forum will be held tentatively on September 12 at Wet Willie’s. For more updates, see MofoChronicles.

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My Gentle-Man Caller Comes Forth with Truth

Ok; this morning he is the not so persecuted gentleman caller. I know. Don’t call me a sucker for love just yet because I …

1) Explained to him that when things are important to me, they should be important to him

… And that’s exactly how I treat his interests. Fortunate for me, I was able to provide an example to prove my point. For men, I’ve learned long ago that examples are important. They’ve got to see the picture in order to get it!

2) I received some truth which was sufficient in this case. So I’m not trippin’ about that. And in this instance, I explained the importance of building a trust circle. He agreed. Then I received confirmation of what I already suspected. As juicy as this truth is; it could complicate things if not careful.

Oooh I’ve got your wheels turning now. Win!!! And …

3) Well 3 is the magic number, so I had to use it. Lol. No, I’m kidding. At the end of our heart-to-heart, I was satisfied with the peace that was made between us. So we’re moving on, happily.

Ok, so that’s my follow up on my gentleman caller. Have you any questions?! Comments?! Holler at me. 😉

@Brownmuzik “Sweet Thunda” Video: Monday Music

“I don’t care what you say/I ain’t gon’ love you/no more/no more/no no …” —Brownmuzik
Continue reading

Serendipity-An Inspired Music Wednesday

Him: You wanna elope? Like right now? We can go to Vegas … like right now? You wanna go? Wanna elope?
Me: Blank stare* Increased palpitations* Nervousness* Smiling ear to ear
Him: We can do it the right way.
Me: Agreed.

Destiny/Fate, we’re living it, and it has the magic to bring us together with ourselves … and with someone else.

The wondrous life of NIkki!

“Ever Dated an Athlete?”

Him: “Ever dated someone high profile before?” Me: “Whats high profile?”

I honestly don’t like this question at all. It’s worst than asking me my thoughts on abortion. Really. It’s an evasion of my privacy, and you’re asking me this question based on a presumption. You’ve taken one look at me, sized me up, and you’re certain the answer is “yes.”

Deflecting from the question, I will ask, “What do you consider high profile?” and based on that answer, I’ll respond. I should make it clear that I never fancied any local team players. I can’t even name more than 5 Bobcats players or more than 2 Panthers players which is pathetic. I know, I know.

While I love basketball, my teams are the Celtics, Houston Rockets (remember their games in the 80s & 90s?), and I thoroughly enjoy watching Lebron James score.

Besides that, I’m not truly into sports or athletes. It’s just not my thing. These relationships appear to me to be short-lived and tumultuous. They’re flights of fancy …

And I’ve never been too enamored with anyone in the music industry besides Usher. He’s got style that speaks to me. Hah! This is a precursor to my Chris Brown fascination … still. I could belt out nearly any Usher song, on key.

So nope, no high profile dudes in my life.There really isn’t anything juicy to tell. Lol. I date regular dudes. There may have been a doctor; that’s all I’m giving you.

It just isn’t classy to kiss and tell even if I did. But I haven’t.

If there’s a high profile dude currently, he’d be that based on how awesome he treats me not his social status or pay grade. Got it?

This was the most interesting question that I was asked this past weekend, so I thought I share. I appreciate interesting convos, questions, and comments that may or may not catch me off guard.

Enjoy your Tuesday, Folk.

Aside: I bet someone in the background saying: “She lying.” lol Later!

Mind-Boggling Obstacle Course Steers Lesson–In Other Words, My Weekend

It happens in 3s. But when I discuss pyramid action, I’m always referring to taking care of the mind, body, and spirit with exercise and treatment. However, my definition of pyramid action has failed me once again. Or maybe not. And my 3s theory seemed to have manifested itself dead-smack in the middle of my damned weekend.

On Friday, I was stood up … and for the first time. Not by someone with hella-swag and a million dollar smile. That’s the resentment talking. I hadn’t planned this 2ND date that I waited all week for with my typical type. Instead, he is a nerdy, sarcastic son-of-a-gun who knows more about sports (I’m guessing) than I could ever imagine. A man who is faintly over his ex-fiancee, a woman who stood him up days before the wedding. Perhaps, he was paying his respects to her by sending this energy my way, a peculiar homage I’d call it. No phone call and no show. Ironically … and especially when there’s Facebook, Twitter, email, and (ah hah!!) my phone number. Yet he couldn’t find the words, the characters, or the numbers.

On Saturday, I woke up to an abrupt tap on my window. The clock read 3:44a. I was sound asleep; the best sleep I had gotten in weeks. No mid-night awakenings and no scary movies haunting my theta waves. It was just me and some loud snoring. However, the “rat-a-tat-tat” sounded on my window. Women should never live on the first floor, need I mind you. I was startled, so I managed to breathe quietly and not make any sudden movements. A few rings and a text message later, I find that it’s my ex. The one I dated back in college. The hell?!! Text message read: “… Will you come talk to me?” Felt like I was being stalked by a night zombie. Bloodsuckers. I’m not sure what the passion for this ole Nikki is about. At times I feel flattered that people hang on to me so dearly, needing me and pleading their cases. But it has become exhausting over the years, most intensely over the past few months. As they say, “I can’t.” So I didn’t respond to his knocks at my window which persisted over 30 minutes or dared to meet him the next day. I decided, as I always do, that mingling with any exes is a lost cause. A charity meant for newcomers.

Later on that evening, I figured that I opt out of reading and writing and enjoy being 20-something uptown with a friend for dinner. After a few spirits, I found myself in a scream-fest with a friend I hadn’t spoke to in a month or so. I should have known better since I have this “never spend too much time in one place” rule. I know this excerpt doesn’t actually make sense because you’re probably wondering what was all the yelling for … That’s not the point. And then there’s another character–an old man, a deviation from the truth and a cold shoulder. I need not say much more. Beyond what I could see that night, I felt an inner convection of emotion, a rise and fall of anger, rage, and relief.

Now … I’ve gone through this story a million times already, rehearsed the emotions of every scene. Yet I couldn’t figure it out. “Why did this all occur in a single weekend? And what’s the meaning of all this? It’s simply not coincidental, since it came in the form of 3s.” And now writing this, I remember not the spokesman but the message “The world is tilt off its axis.” At that time, this insert of information was out of place … or so I thought. A silly remark in midst of perilous times. It didn’t register immediately; the message had been drown by my very own heartbeat.

Looking back on the comment, I’ve found meaning. I’m the world and the axis is God. My energy isn’t in sync with Him; and every time that happens, I will find myself out-of-place, exhausted, over-extending myself, and in abusive situations or creating poor habits. My energy is just completely off … Then, I asked myself: “When was the last time I prayed without ceasing?” Distractions have detracted from my spiritual self.

I exercised my mind and body all week yet neglected the spirit. Thus, set out for me was my very own, custom-designed, mind-boggling obstacle course … unexpectedly for the weekend.

Ask the Mad Yapper, “Why Are You So Mad?”–Love and Relationships

I’ve had a few women disclose their relationship statuses and situations to me here lately, and then I started questioning: “Are our friends/family too hard on us about our relationships?” We all have these people who focus on different characteristics that may or may not have any bearing on where we are in our relationship. Let’s run through a few common questions to explore their meanings/values.

Is he gay?– This is the most common question. Blame the movies and TV for an overflow of these ‘down-low’ images. Just go to the nearest salon, and there you’ll find mad women asking and confirming (without evidence) that gay men are sweeping the nation. Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t someone out there who could be dating a ‘down low’ brother, but gay men are not sweeping the nation. There are still straight men to be had. With that said, when someone starts confirming another’s sexuality, ask them lots of questions. You may find these confirmations are yet of a personal tale. It’s good to lend positive advice; but don’t go around badgering women with your Gay-Dar. Women, if you’re feeling this way, perhaps a conversation is in order. But please stop walking around thinking all men are gay. They aren’t.

Does he have any kids?- This is my favorite question; I’ll admit. The more education and accomplishments women have, the more reluctant they are to join an already made family (especially one with several kids and mothers). As I mature, I realize that relationships were never made to be perfect but to satisfy a harmony/flow amongst partners. I know sometimes we’ll find ourselves adjusting to unforeseen, unfavorable circumstances. Yet it isn’t the end of the world, and you can still achieve happiness, love, and harmony in the most imperfect situations.

Does he go to church?– Since when did church attendance become the single most validating factor for morale character and goodness? The men in my family have been loving, decent and kind. Seventy-five percent of them don’t attend church regularly. Furthermore, men who attend church cheat as well as men who don’t. And let’s not even talk about the likelihood of one … Cheating.

My advice: let’s not make this characteristic a pre-requisite/precursor to our relationships. I remember reading Richard Wright’s Black Boy, an autobiography, and exploring his sentiments on church. His grandmother raised him in a Seven Day Adventist Church. In this book, he discussed how church and the community discouraged him from learning and going against societal norms. Had he followed that path, he would’ve never became a renown African American Author.

Obviously, people still see church as a controlling factor, limiting their imagination, ambitions and dreams. Perhaps you should talk to your mate about attending church. There might be underlying reasons as to why your mate isn’t interested in attending. Get to the heart of it: don’t write him off just yet! It is my hope that you find peace with the church-going factor.

Alas, our friends and family might have good intentions with their questions and advice, but ultimately it’s you who are living it–your relationship. And look around you. Are you taking advice from single people? And if someone is suggesting the negative, start investigating and ask the madd Yapper: “Why are you so mad?”

Here’s yet another one of our love and relationship posts.
We hope that you feel inspired to love your mates a bit more today!

Whatever Happened to the Confrontational Piece?–Love & Relationships

When you’re hosting formal dinners, do you create interesting conversational pieces for your guests? Are they imaginative and ethinic like Food Network’s Sandra Lee’s Table ‘Scapes or do you lay out exotic coffee table books?

My friends, both male and female, are finding it rather difficult to signal their partners for an important conversation. The ole “we need to talk” seemingly is out of date and sounds off unwanted, unnecessary alarms. But whatever happened to the ‘confrontational piece?” So I was thinking, wouldn’t it be neat to have a ‘confrontational piece?’ Something that says ‘we need to talk” without making our partners feel like there’s a breakup or ultimatum to follow. It has to eliminate all of the Continue reading

IN, Single, Or Complicated–Nikki’s Take on Updating Your FB Relationship Status

Facebook is a funny thing, I tell ya. If you’re not grounded, you’ll be inundated with people’s convoluted philosophies on life. I find that most statuses are good for entertainment. But I wanted to touch base on relationship statuses, and when I believe they should be updated.

For one, you know how we do (men and women alike). We are in and out relationships, official and unofficial, as soon as we can find our lovers at fault … for anything. With that said, wouldn’t it make sense to only change your status until it’s been at least 6 months? By then, you’ve gotten through your honeymoon stage. Ladies, you should’ve learned just how he keeps house and monitored mother-son relationship dynamics. On the latter, you should keep watch of its stability; that’s a strong indicator of how stable your relationship with him will be like. And men, you would’ve investigated her money management skills long before you’ve changed that status. Six months down the line, all parties should know if the person you’re ‘seeing’ has enough life skills and career alignment to be in a committed relationship in the first place. And you would’ve, if you’re paying attention, already assessed what behavioral patterns are favorable and or problematic. Yes?

Secondly, you SHOULD always change your status to ‘married’ when you are legally married or been binded through life partnership, whatever applies. Not making such legal information visible and open to the public is just suspect. Just what kind of operation are you running on FB if you can’t tell the world that you’re married? And we all know some people go crazy about their significant others. I don’t want to be caught dead in a situation like that. Futhermore, the slightest glance at another woman may land you a full week on the couch or worst. It’s my opinion that if you refuse to divulge necessary information, you’re lying by omission. A lie is still a lie. This ultimately is a red flag ladies (and gents).

Lastly, the relationship status I love the most is “it’s complicated.’ Is it really? And why would you want the world to know that there’s a crack in your foundation? Just clean it up. Take care of your business behind close doors and stop tipping off the jumpoffs. Yeah, I said it. You’re tipping off those who are looking for the least imperfection to jump in and give it a try for themselves. Unless it’s completely over, don’t broadcast this status. Everyone who is your friend on FB isn’t your friend.

Well, that concludes my advice on when to update FB relationship statuses. It seems like common sense. But we all know common sense ain’t all that common!

Follow NikkiPanache on Twitter.

SOUND OFF! The Body Count Convo

As I was watching a re-run of Sex and the City last night, I was reminded of a conversation that my friends and I were having just this past weekend. During the episode, Miranda and Steve were having what The Girls and I call the “Body Count” conversation. Basically, they were discussing how many sexual partners each of them had before their current relationship with one another.

In the episode, Steve ups his body count number as to not be outdone by Miranda after he hears her response.  This prompted me to take to Twitter and Facebook to see if I could get some feedback on the subject. Surprisingly enough, very few people were willing to discuss the topic out in the open (which is an entirely different issue in and of itself). I did, however, receive plenty of chat & inbox messages.

Responses ranged from “I don’t wanna know” to “More than 10 is too many and just nasty…” So, I want to pose a few questions to you out there in the Panache world to get your opinion on the issue: (1) Do you REALLY want to know the truth about how many partners your spouse has had in the past? (2) At what point in the relationship is this issued raised? And how do you go about bringing it up? (3) Is there a such thing as ‘too many’ sexual partners? If so, where is your cut off line? (4) Do you take into account a person’s age and/or the age at which they lost their virginity when discussing their body count? (5) Does being male/female have an affect on your response? If so, how? (6) Are YOU completely honest about YOUR body count? Why/why not?

Sound Off!

Now I can’t get Lil Wayne’s “Prostitute Flange” out of my head…lol

Discussion on Relationships–Dating Outside Your Race. What do you prefer?

This one is for the books. And I just had to share, so hear it goes …

So I went to the gym today for a normal leg workout. And since I’ve been back on the scene as a single woman, sometimes I work out with the fellas including a trainer who I’ve known for years. At these gym jams, men just say the darnest things. I’ve pretty much heard it all, but here’s one that I could share. So one of the guys had the audacity to ask me: “What do you prefer light skin men or dark skin men?”  This is the second time this has come up within the past two weeks. With this question, I just thought that this guy is pretty narrow minded to think that I prefer black men, at all. After all, that’s who he’s referencing in his question. So I, in turn, said to him “I like all men. But what about their character?” And so the other guys were like “You’re not going to win this debate; it’s Denise who you are asking.” So he went on to say that he’s from Union County, NJ, and he prefers light skin women over darker ones because he went to school where majority of the students were white. “Huh, dude?”

So guess what happens next? Yes, if you know me, then you know I go really hard especially about hot button topics, and I thrive off heated debates. I went on to make statements and arguments surrounding self-loathing, self-hatred, prejudices, and the like. I mean ’bout time I finished my 4 reps of squats that  he could not do, by the way, this debate was shut down by Yours Truly. I had a good time. And I didn’t judge him, I wanted to provoke his train of thought. I did; it was evident by the end of the debate. But really, why are we STILL having this conversation in 2k11?

So I’m here to ask all of my readers … what do you prefer? Do you limit yourself to a cultural group because of say … your upbringing or does it even matter? I’d love to hear it! You’re free to say whatever you like. After all, it’s your world.

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